“We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our
lifetime. It’s easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in
sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I
love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably. They all count.
But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define
how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most
important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of
these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier
to all this; There is always one person you love who becomes that
definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens
eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for
what you will always love about other people, even if some of these
loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who
defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than
anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the
first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person
still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life
they will control how you feel about everyone else.”
--Chuck Klosterman, 'Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story'
You will fall in love with someone who annoys you, whose orgasm face
looks and feels pathetic. Despite all of this, there’s something keeping
you drawn to them, something that makes you want to protect them from
the harsh world. What you fail to realize, however, is that you are the
harsh world. You aren’t their noble protector — you are someone to be
protected from but it takes a lot of dates, a lot of nights where you
question whether or not you are actually a good person, for this to ever
resonate with you. When it’s over and whatever love is left is put back
in the fridge like a sad plate of leftovers, you will finally
understand that you have the power to hurt someone. You can either hurt
them or love them and it’s up to you to decide what kind of role you
would like to take on in future relationships. What feels more
comfortable — being the one who loves more or being the one who’s loved
less?
You will fall in love with someone who’s cold and always seemingly
pushing you away. When all is said and done, they will be forever known
as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. Unfortunately, it will
hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the ones that chopped up your
meat for you and picked out an eyelash from your eye and were nice to
your mother, because love often feels like a game we need to win. And
when we lose, when we realize we couldn’t get what we ultimately desired
from a person, it makes us feel like a failure and erases all the
memories of those who loved us in the past. It’s a permanent smudge on
your love resume.
You will fall in love with someone for one night and one night only.
They’ll come to you when you need them and be gone in the morning when
you don’t. At first, this will make you feel empty and you’ll try to
convince yourself that you could’ve loved this person for longer than a
night, but you can’t. Some people are just meant to make cameo
appearances, some are destined to be a pithy footnote. That’s okay
though. Not every person we love has to stick around. Sometimes it’s
better to leave while you’re still ahead. Sometimes it’s better to leave
before you get unloved.
You will fall in love with the old couple down the street because to you
they represent the impossible: a stable, long-lasting love. You’re
trying to get someone to like you for more than ten minutes. A
monogamous “never get sick of ya” love seems unfathomable. “What’s your
secret, sir? Do you just say yes a lot?”
You will fall in love with smells, the good and the bad kind. You will
want to wear your lovers shirt because it makes you feel close to them
and you’re okay with being that PYSCHO who is legitimately sniffing
their shirt in public. You will fall in love with sweat, certain
perfumes, the smell of the season in which you fell in love. This
particular love smells like fall. It smells like Halloween and a roaring
fire and leaves and fog and mist and candy and food and family and
whiskey and sex and the lint that collects on sweaters. When it ends, if
it ends, you will never experience another fall without thinking of
him, her, it. The memories will stick to the ground like a mound of
leaves and will only dissipate when the weather drops.
You will fall in love with your friends. Deep, passionate love. You will
create a second family with them, a kind of tribe that makes you feel
less vulnerable. Sometimes our families can’t love us all the time.
Sometimes we’re born into families who don’t know how to love us
properly. They do as much as they can but the rest is up to our friends.
They can love you all the time, without judgement. At least the good
ones can.
This is where I’m supposed to tell you that you will fall in love with
The One, a person who isn’t too cold or too nice. Their “O” face is
perfectly fine and they’re not afraid to show how much they love you.
This person is supposed to wait for us at the end of the twentysomething
road as some kind of reward for all the heartache and loneliness. We
deserve them. We’ve earned this kind of love.
So fine. You’re going to fall in love with The One. You’re going to fall
in love with someone who will make sense beyond college or a job or a
particular season. They’ll make sense forever and won’t ever want to
leave you behind. I’m telling you this not because it’s true but because
it NEEDS to be true. Everyone is entitled to this kind of love, so why
not? Have it. It’s yours. Blow out the candles on your 30th birthday,
holding their hand, and let out an exhale that’s been waiting for ten
years. Do it. Now.
--Ryan O’Connell
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